I Hate Tommy Finch
A one-act, two-women, all-queer play about two friends who find themselves together again and again, and their roller coaster friendship (and romance) from ages 8 to 35. They navigate not only run-of-the-mill coming-of age-issues (changing bodies, bullies, parent problems, losing their virginity, etc.) but questions about their own (and each other’s) sexuality. Sexy, sassy, and sophisticated, I Hate Tommy Finch is sort of like the John Hughes movie every lesbian wished for…and then some.
Episodes
Age 8, 1983, Principal's Office Stephanie & Alyssa talk for the first time. Topics discussed: the magical properties of ginger ale & crackers; Alyssa's Uncle Jeff's advice for handling 'inappropriate' boys; Tommy Finch's jerkiness; and important 8-yr-old life plans. Age 12, 1987, Gym Class It's 'dancing day' in Stephanie & Alyssa's gym class. Topics discussed include: the (non)benefits of knowing the box step; Tommy Finch's continued immaturity; high school worries; and bra inevitability.
Age 15, 1990, Slumber Party Stephanie & Alyssa are sleeping over at Janet's house (she snores, btw), and Alyssa has a surprise for Stephanie. Topics discussed: Madonna; what your mother never told you about breastfeeding; why Alyssa was never invited back to Stephanie's house; more advice from Uncle Jeff; The Big Plan Book; and Steph & Alyssa's reeeeally long-term revenge plan for Tommy Finch. Age 18, 1993, Packing Day Stephanie is off to college, and Alyssa is helping...sort of. Topics discussed: Alyssa's big career move; what Stephanie did during 6th and 7th period; prom; how protection and obstruction can be one in the same; and why Stephanie & Alyssa aren't like the other girls.
Age 21, 1996, Spring Break Stephanie visits Alyssa in the big city. Topics discussed: fire blowing; bad dancing; good dancing; big feet; and sleeping with professors (or not). Age 23, 1998, Bachelorette Party Alyssa crashes Stephanie's bachelorette party. Topics discussed: penis veils; newspaper clippings sent from home; unacknowledged confessions; and the power of missing someone.
Age 25, 2000, Hospital Waiting Room Stephanie shows up to give Alyssa some support during a tough moment and gets more than she's prepared for. Topics discussed: family emergencies; what real commitment looks like; the things best friends discuss...and the things they don't. Age 28, 2003, Stephanie's Childhood Bedroom Alyssa helps Stephanie confront a dark secret that's been hiding under the bed. Topics discussed: monsters; past terrors; and the light at the end of the tunnel.
Age 30, 2005, Emergency Room When Alyssa's life is falling apart, Stephanie shows up with a juice box and a lollipop to make everything better. Topics discussed: cold hands; trail mix (sort of); nose jobs; and new beginnings. Interlude: Everything that Stephanie and Alyssa have been through, everything they've said or not said, everything they've felt and felt again, it has all lead to this. Age 33, 2008, Alyssa's Bar Stephanie and Alyssa embark on a journey they've been planning their whole lives. Topics discussed: delegation; maps; passports; old plans; and new plans.
