The Adventures of Lano and Woodley

Colin scolds Frank for "not being a man", and suggests that he, Colin, could get hit by a bus, and then what would Frank do on his own? Frank panics at this, which is what prompts Colin to set up a "find your inner warrior" retreat for Frank, in their apartment - complete with campfire!

Frank is afraid of the water, because he can't swim. So Colin takes him to the big outdoor swimming pool for a beginners swim class. Then Frank drowns, and has to be rescued by a pretty female lifeguard, who gives him the kiss of life. He gets the wrong idea and sets out to impress the lifeguard, not realising her husband is a former Olympic swimmer, now only known from the "Penguin Muffler" ads he appears in.

Frank goes around the flat, collecting old stuff to donate to the church's op-shop including Colin's favourite pair of socks. When Colin finds his socks missing, he assumes his neighbour, Susan has stolen them, in retribution for the offence he made to her lisp. This marks the beginning of a tit-for-tat battle which ends up in the middle of the church's Easter "Rock Mass", with Col and Frank wearing their neighbours dresses!

Col and Frank argue over which of them is the more intelligent, so they decide to settle the argument once and for all, by playing along with their favourite game show, Mindbender. Col cheats which leads Frank to nominate him to appear on the show. Meanwhile Frank tries to deal with his phobia of people with beards.

When Col's Mother dies, a corrupt politician named Vera Watkins makes a secret deal with Births, Deaths and Marriages, to pretend that she has a long lost son, as her political career reaches a landslide, and she chooses Col as he has no family left. Col believes that Watkins is his real Mother and Col gets himself into more than he bargains for.

At the prospect of earning a thousand dollars a day, Col and Frank impersonate baby photographers, and manage to get the babies mixed up. This prompts them to attempt to reunite the mother with the right baby. In the process they learn some domestic skills, Frank starts believing he and Colin are married, Kiss each other, end up with 2 babies in their care, and the police on their tail.

At the prospect of earning a thousand dollars a day, Col and Frank impersonate baby photographers, and manage to get the babies mixed up. This prompts them to attempt to reunite the mother with the right baby. In the process they learn some domestic skills, Frank starts believing he and Colin are married, Kiss each other, end up with 2 babies in their care, and the police on their tail.