Occasional Wife

Peter and Greta are set to go to dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Brahms when Greta's parents show up unexpectedly with her high school boyfriend Arnie Stoner. They insist on taking her to a different restaurant. To get out of the dinner and ward off any advances from Arnie, Greta and Peter tell them they are engaged. This results in Peter being invited along too. Peter gets the Brahms to change their reservation to the same restaurant. Luckily there are two dining rooms at this restaurant so Peter makes the Brahms reservation for the Indian room as the Patterson's are in the Pilgrim room. Peter and Greta spend a frantic evening shuffling between the two tables and eating two meals during which they break off their phony engagement. The man-in-the-middle, who is cooking, is seen when Peter is locked out of his own apartment and goes through the man-in-the-middle's apartment to get to the fire escape.

Greta needs more money and decides to start a dressmaking business with a couple of girlfriends - in Peter's apartment. Peter also becomes the financial backer. The situation escalates when the girls make labor demands of Peter and go on strike. Meanwhile a young wheeler-dealer named Rod McHew wants to merge companies so he can use the baby food company as collateral for a bogus business scheme. Peter becomes suspicious, turns down a bribe from McHew to keep silent and advises Mr. Brahms against the deal in a meeting at his apartment. The strike is resolved when Greta admits she can't get any buyers for the dresses. Brahms thinks the dress factory has been done to make ends meet and gives Peter a raise. Greta's Aunt Harriet has been visiting looking for excitement but leaves saying New York was very peaceful. The man-in-the-middle is sick and doctoring himself during the fire escape scene.

Because she has broken so many dates with Bernie being Peter's occasional wife Greta forces Peter to go to dinner with her at Bernie's mother's, causing Peter to postpone his date for a night with the beautiful Ingrid. While at the dinner Bernie's sister Bernice falls for ""Greta's brother"" - Peter. Now Peter must figure out a way to let her down gently as Bernie warns she has gone and caused trouble at the offices of suitors who rejected her. Peter's secretary Miss Wilson arrives at the lobby of Peter's building with an important business report while Peter is talking to Bernie. She knows him as Peter Christopher while Bernie knows him as Patterson. Peter tells Bernie he is leading a double life and is secretly married. This leads to showing Bernice his wife - Ingrid - and, of course, Mr. Brahms shows up during their meeting.

While dining with Mr. and Mrs. Brahms Greta has her palm read by Madame Celeste who predicts she will marry soon. Although informed she is already married Madame Celeste insists her professional reputation is on the line. An argument ensues which results in Madame Celeste spilling food on Mr. Brahms, who gets her fired. Madame Celeste has her son, who she is putting through law school, represent her. He wants a marriage license from Peter and Greta, then Madame Celeste will apologize. In the meantime, Madame Celeste has organized gypsies to picket Brahms Baby Food. Brahms orders Peter to stop the strike. Peter does so by convincing Madame Celeste to do TV commercials predicting a long happy life for every baby that eats Brahms Baby Food.

Mr. Brahms wants to land a contract with prospective client Ellen Hanley that will put Brahms Baby Food into 1,406 more stores. He orders Peter to invite her to his house for a home-cooked meal. Greta refuses to participate as she has invited a famous French fashion designer from one of her art classes to her apartment for a home-cooked meal. Peter doesn't tell Ellen he's married and Greta's French designer turns into a wolf. Madness reigns. One scene has Greta ushering Mr. and Mrs. Brahms and the designer down the fire escape for the building's ""fire drill"". The man-in-the-middle is painting the trim around his fire escape window but is distracted by the action.

Peter accepts a job with Barnaby Baby Foods, resigning from Brahms and firing Greta. He then finds out that Barnaby has checked him out and wants to meet Mrs. Christopher at a dinner with he and his wife. Greta refuses to go so Peter hires an actress, Sally. Greta changes her mind after discovering Peter has had her phone and utilities shut off. Peter suddenly finds himself at the restaurant with the Barnabys and two occasional wives. Mrs. Barnaby thinks Greta is Peter's wife while Mr. Barnaby believes Sally is. Can Peter keep them from finding out the truth? The man-in-the-middle is washing the blinds on his fire escape window.

Peter and Greta are asked to compete against Wally and Vera Frick for membership in N.O.O.K., the National Order of Kangaroos, by Mr. Brahms, who is King Kang of Hutch #1. The competition is a treasure hunt. The two couples are told at the Kangaroo meeting to leave all their money behind and to obtain all the items by ingenuity alone. Peter and Greta manage to get all the items as Peter trades some of his clothes for them. Wally and Vera cheat, using money that Vera hid. The directions guide Peter and Greta to a car they are to use to transport themselves and their treasures back to Kangaroo headquarters but Wally and Vera tell a policeman they are stealing the car. All four end up at the Police Station. Greta calls Mrs. Brahms and she and Max get everything straightened out.

Greta has been summoned to the office for an executive's wives meeting by Mrs. Brahms. At first she wants a new hat for $23 but Peter bargains her down to $10 and 6 long distance minutes. Peter hires new secretary Cynthia and takes her to lunch. There they are seen from across the room by an important Brahms client Mr. Cartwright who assumes Cynthia is Mrs. Christopher. Greta arrives at the office shortly after Peter returns from lunch with Cynthia, who has been affected by the lunchtime martinis. Mr. Cartwright stops by and mentions to Peter he saw them at the restaurant. Peter madly juggles the two ladies around to keep his secret. When she finds out he's married Cynthia quits. Greta gets both the hat and the $10, which she uses to take a broke Peter to lunch. The man-in-the-middle is playing solitaire.

Peter finds out Mr. Brahms is taking Wally and Vera Frick with him to a convention in Dayton, Ohio to land a prospective client and wrangles an invitation for himself and Greta as there is a $500 bonus involved. Greta is not thrilled at becoming a ""Brahmsette"" until the bonus is mentioned as Dayton is her home town and she might run into family or friends there. While on an errand for Mr. Brahms she runs into her family minister. Parson Perkins is worried about Greta being at the convention until they have a reassuring talk. Mr. Haver, the prospective client, is a very prim and proper person. Peter convinces Wally and Vera Haver is a swinger. Their attempts to lure him to Brahms annoy Mr. Haver but Peter shows up just in time with Greta and her ""personal parson, Parson Perkins"". This lands the client and Mr. Brahms decides that Greta deserves the entire bonus.

Peter wakes up after a night out to realize he became engaged to heiress Felicia Ferris. Brahms is in debt to her father's bank so Peter knows he must break off the engagement without angering her father. Felicia tells him most of her previous boyfriends live out of the country. When she brings a huge sculpture to Peter's office Mr. Brahms demands an explanation. Peter explains Felicia is in therapy and has fantasized they are engaged. Peter attends Felicia's group therapy session and confesses his fake marriage, which no one believes. The doctor tells him he needs help until Peter says he has no money and then the doctor says he is cured and that he and Felicia were not meant for each other. Peter then hears that Felicia and the doctor are engaged and sends them the huge, iron sculpture as a wedding present.

Peter receives a telegram that his foster daughter from Italy is coming to stay with him. Not knowing he had a foster daughter he receives an explanation from Mr. Brahms that he is in a company sponsored ""voluntary"" foster program that is being deducted from each paycheck. Wally Frick sees it as a chance for an ad campaign. Peter's foster daughter Renata shows up and is 18, not the 10 year-old they all expected. She has come to marry Steve, an American tourist she met in Rome, and wants her Papa's blessing. At first Peter forbids the wedding as he doesn't think Steve is concerned about getting a job. He then learns that Steve's father own 312 grocery stores and when Mr. Brahms finds out he worries about keeping his baby food in those stores. With Greta's help Peter apologizes and agrees to let them marry.

Mr. Brahms hires the Chubbs, father and son management consultants, and Wally Frick sets out to get rid of Peter, double-crossing him every chance he gets. Brahms wrote a report on the company's policies, state of business and problems that Peter can't find. Peter invites the Chubbs to dinner, which keeps being interrupted due to Greta's date with Ted. Greta, who has cooked two dinners, is followed down to Peter's apartment by Ted and Inez, one of Peter's girlfriends, arrives at the same time. The next day at the office the Chubbs are ready to finish Peter off. Chubbs, Jr. pulls out the missing report, believing Peter wrote it, and pronounces it rubbish. Mr. Brahms coolly dismisses the Chubbs and calls for Wally, telling Peter hiring the consultants was Wally's idea.

Brahms Baby Food has signed a contract to supply powdered milk to the government and all employees must undergo a security clearance check. On the home front Greta is informed the landlord wants her apartment for his newly-married niece. The ISA men visit Peter's apartment and then interview the man-in-the-middle and Greta in her apartment. Peter and Greta convince the landlord that it would cost him too much to fix the apartment up for his niece and he agrees that Greta can continue living there. The ISA men return and say they suspected Greta was posing as Peter's wife but after talking to many witnesses realize it's a very modern marriage and that the apartment upstairs is her art studio. Having passed the security clearance Peter and Greta celebrate. Peter finds out the next day Brahms has signed a business deal with West Germany and informs Peter the German security checks are very thorough.

During Greta's party in Peter's apartment Mr. Brahms calls and talks to ""Greta's boyfriend"". Greta tells Mr. Brahms it was Peter's brother playing a joke. In honor of Peter's brother being in town the Brahms' invite the three of them over for dinner. Peter hires his milkman Teddy, who is tired of his job, to play his brother. They pass him off as a writer who is leaving on a tramp steamer in the morning. Mr. Brahms offers Teddy a job to keep Peter's family together. Teddy accepts and then Peter and Greta conspire to drive him out of Peter's apartment by convincing him Peter is a little insane and dangerous. Mr. Brahms complains the next day that Teddy quit and took two of his secretaries with him. Peter replies that it's a burden he's had to live with all his life.

Bernie is insistent that Greta marry him so Peter tells him she is seeing another man. He confides in sister Bernice who encourages him not to give up. Mr. Brahms has asked Greta to help him shop for an anniversary present for Mrs. Brahms. Bernie and Bernice see them and assume Mr. Brahms is Greta's sugar daddy. Then they see Greta dressed in mink meeting Mr. Brahms at a bar. Bernie hears where they are going to meet, a hotel room that has actually been rented for a surprise party, and gets there first. He attacks Peter when he enters and Bernie is knocked out in the struggle and hidden in the closet. Greta and Peter spend the evening guarding the closet. Bernie later pops out singing ""Happy Anniversary"". The man-in-the-middle is having a party.

Peter has invested in an oil well scheme with Col. Thorndyke and his daughter Linda Sue which Mr. Brahms is suspicious of. He surprises Peter at Thorndyke's hotel and insists on investing when Peter tells him Thorndyke is in no hurry for the money. Greta and Mrs. Brahms have Thorndyke checked out and learn he is honest but has never had a well come in. Peter is ordered to get Mr. Brahms' money back or else but fails to. Greta appeals to Linda Sue, who was romantic with Peter before finding out he was ""married"". She arranges for both Peter and Mr. Brahms to get their money back. Shortly afterward they learn that the well did come in. Greta does her best to console Peter by waiting on him. When a girlfriend drops by she offers to leave but Peter announces Greta is his date for the night.

Peter's mother calls him while he's with a date and announces she's coming over to stay for a while because of the paint fumes in her apartment. They say they have dinner plans and she plays the martyr, telling them to go out. She then inspects the apartment and takes a phone call from one of Peter's girlfriends, informing her Peter is out with his wife. She has Greta exhausted doing housework during the day and Peter's social life is in ruins. Peter suggests they need to be alone and his mother mentions her doctor and implies she doesn't have long to live. Peter checks with her doctor who says his mother is a hypochondriac. She finally packs to leave and as Peter kisses her goodbye she can feel he has a fever. She decides she will stay and nurse him back to health. The man-in-the-middle attempts to set up a sun chair on his fire escape landing.